Just Something Personal

Right now, I'm seeing how basic my life is. I am on such a schedule it's unbelievable how I feel when i break that schedule. Monday through Friday it goes a little something like this: Wake up at 5 Shower Go to work at 6 Come home for a break at 10 Go back to work  Get off work at 1 Take a nap (if possible) with Kye Bed time for Kye at 7:30 For me at 8 And that goes on Monday-Friday. But now it's Friday and Kye has been asleep for almost two hours. I don't have work early in the morning and I'm not so tired. So I am so lost on what I should do! Glad I got the idea to blog and just to write whats on my mind because I think I would of went crazy. I don't really want to watch anything on TV because I haven't been able to keep up with any of the shows since I go to sleep so early now. So I'm just sitting on the couch bored out of my mind. With all that said, it's plain to see how simple my life is. I am a mom. And that's about it.Well...

I am finally learning to adjust to my new job. Waking up at 5 in the morning and God willing, Kye wants to nap when I get off at 1 then I can get some shut eye. The only thing about that is Kye goes to sleep at 7:30, so it's like I don't have that much time with him anymore. It sucks not seeing him until I get my 40 minute break at ten and then not seeing him until I get off work. Today was the worse. I got to see Kye before I left because he decided he wanted to wake up at around 5:50, just in time for mommy to leave. :( He was asleep when I got off of work at 1. And he slept until 4 o'clock! Which meant I only got to spend about 3 and a half hours with him. I sometimes feel that me working Monday through Friday 6-1 that he will forget me. He is with his Grandma that whole time, just her and I fret that he might see her as his mom. I don't know if that is just me being silly but that's how I feel sometimes. It feels great though when he is awake when I get home,...

I haven't blogged in a while and since I'm so incredibly bored at work I figured I'd write something. So a lot has happened since I last blogged. I got over the past. I finally realize that what is in the past is going to stay there and it will never come back. I talked to BD and told him how I felt and everything is pretty much mutual. Which kind of made me feel some what better. He told me something that really he didn't have to, but I'm kind of glad he did. Because when he told me, my heart didn't even budge. That made me understand how much all I miss is what we had and my heart understands it will never happen again. Because he obviously has changed. A lot! So that happened and I'm glad. I started my new job! It is going so slow! The boss didn't advertise well at all so my mornings consist of waking up at 5am Monday through Friday and sitting around, watching the news, on my phone and talking to the others who work here. I am now, willingly going ...

But this doesn't feel the same. It's obvious that I want what is in the past and is gone. I will never get that back. I don't know why I thought that it would be the exact same. What is in the past is gone and will never return. I think I have a hard time understanding that and really excepting it. I do feel better that I got to say what I wanted to say for such a long time now. It made me feel better that the feelings were kind of mutual. But I kind of disappointed myself in all of this because you are the exact same way you felt. I don't think I'll ever fully except the fact that what I miss is in the past. I just wish you would be that same person that you were before I got pregnant.  In one way I do feel better that I have that one person back to talk to whenever I need to talk to some one. I just hope this Friday when I start a new bible study that I will be able to connect with the young people there and find some friendship there? It seems like since I h...

9/2/12 I've learned so much this past year. I have changed from an immature girl who didn't care where life was taking her, to a mother who will do anything to make her son's future the best. I fell in love and didn't even notice until it was too late. I lost the one person who I gave my all to but gain some one who will always need me. I cried more than I probably every have in my life between a mixture of good and bad; but mostly bad. I've learned I just have to take things how they are and stop trying to be in control of things. I've learned you are going to have heart breaks in life and some you just might never get over.  Within the past year I am become a mother! One of the greatest things in my life. My pregnancy was far from what I would of ever wanted it to be. I imagine pregnancy being with the love of you life. Spending every moment with that person and experiences everything pregnancy has to give, with that person. It was the complete opposite. ...