Happiness

I can not believe how incredibly happy I was yesterday. I haven't been that happy in a long time.
A year ago yesterday I started having early contractions and went straight to the hospital. 8 hours later I had my precious baby boy in my arms. I was the happiest I have ever been.
Yesterday I woke up early bathed my almost one year old, we played and he napped. I went to get the cake and some supplies. I set up the party decorations and waited until 2 for all our family to show up.
It's something about being around family and in my house that makes me so joyous.
5:48 came and past and I finally had a one year old! This past year went by so fast. I wish I could do it all over again.
Looking back at the videos and pictures from the party I could tell that smile on my face was real. It wasn't the smile I put on everyday so my son, parents and family can see, so they know I'm doing ok. This smile was pure happiness. I felt like I had my little family back. For just those few hours at the party.
I wish I could feel that happiness all the time.

This past year was a lot to handle and if I could change the way my relationship with his father was. I'd change it in a heart beat. All I ever will want is to feel that happiness and smile that meaningful smile everyday for the rest of my life.

Last night a year ago I was laying in a hospital bed staring at my newborn son as he slept his first night. I laid in a room with my little family, just the three of us. And last night we put our son to bed, daddy and mommy. The same way it was a year ago.

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