Why Becoming A (Single)Mother Is The Worse Thing That Has Happened!


Ever since I found out I was going to have a little person I was so delighted! I couldn't of been happier; that is until I found out that I was having a boy! That was the best news during my pregnancy, I was getting the little boy I always wanted! When I had him it was the best day of my life and I loved him so much already! Every day being his Mother is the best. There is nothing in this world that can replace the feeling of being a Mother. I absolutely love being a Mother. Everything about it is amazing! There is no greater feeling in this world than the love and bond a Mother and son have. 
With that said, I have become so attached to my little person! I can not stand being away from him. Ever since we entered each other's worlds I just want to be by his side as much as he does mine. I know this will soon wear off for him but I will always feel he is my little person, even when he is going off to college and eventually gets married and has a family of his own. Whew! That is something I just don't want to think about just yet. For now I just want to experience every moment with him. I don't want to miss one thing. 
I don't have full control over that all the time though. I can not stand being away from him even if that means doing what I have to do to provide for him; to make sure he has the world and more! It is so hard for me to know being his only parent that I need to provide fully for him and he depends on me to take care of him! 
Becoming a Mother has really showed me that it isn't just about loving him and spending time with him, but also sacrificing. I'm not talking about the kind of sacrifices any young adult would have to make, like partying, going out with friends and enjoying a night to myself. I'm talking about time away from my son. That is the hardest sacrifice ever! I need to be away from him so that I was support him. I don't like that we live in a world where love and time can't grow up a child. It's all about money and work. I hate that so much! 
I question all the time and mostly now in this last week of being home with my son; why can't I just be able to experience my son? Why can't I just love him and be with him every moment of his young life? It's what both of us really want/need right now. That is what makes this whole parenting thing the worse! The sacrifices I need to make just so my son can have the future I want him to have. I know its my responsibility and no one else's. All of the responsibility is on me, I just wish I could always be with him. 
I love being a Mom. It's my passion, it is what I'm good at. 
Ask me my best attribute is and I will tell you it's being a Mom. It comes natural to me. It's what I live for. So why must I sacrifice just that?! I wish being a Mom was all about being home. Taking care of the kids, making 3 meals a day and taking our kids outside to play; always doing what they want. Instead, I need to be away from my son, so that he can be provided for.

I am very grateful that I have a job, that I am able to provide for my son because some people don't have the advantage. I am very thankful for all that I have in my life so that I can take care of my son. I just wish it was simple.

Give me the word that means greater than love and that's how I feel about being a Mother. <3 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Day One of Homeschooling

Image
  We did it!  Our first day of homeschool is complete. I woke up early and made the kiddos French toast and cut up some fruit. Excuse me, Luke cut you some fruit as you can see in our new vlog post! Luke woke up at 6 and I tried to get him back to sleep but that was clearly a fail as he left the room ten minutes after I did. We ate breakfast and Jack was still asleep. I thought for sure he would sleep late and we could start school without him.  😂 He woke up shortly after and then we were all on the same page by then. We took our pictures outside (Jack was not having it). And then our day began!  The kids were so excited to see their little gifts and the homeschool area all set up. We started our morning with a read aloud. We read Ten Apples up on Top since our topic is apples this quarter. The kids all got a composition book that we will use for the morning read alouds. They can draw or write whatever comes to mind as I read to them. It was cute to see what they al...
Read more

Where Have I Allowed Myself To Go?

Image
Wow!  I haven't written forever and I pray I can get back to writing more because what that did for me was incredible. That was my quiet time where I could draw away from all the worries in life and just focus on God and what He has done for me.  This past year or so has been such a struggle for me. Marriage is HARD! I always knew it would be hard but not this hard! It got even harder when I drew away from God. I thought I could do this on my own when obviously this is a precious gift from God and why would I ever think I could do this on my own. I've struggled so much with balancing everything in my life. I've also struggled throughout this pregnancy. I have never been so emotional in my life. I feel like I lost all control over everything that was in order in my life. And I know the exact reason why. It has nothing to do with pregnancy or hormones. It has to do with my faith. I never denied to anyone or myself that I'm not struggling with my faith. I know for a...
Read more

Who Are We?

Image
I listened to a sermon on the 4th and I have been trying to put all my thoughts together to write a post about it because it was so meaningful for me. It helped me realize a lot about myself and my faith. I am still trying to get all my ducks in a row for that post but I just wanted to give a little bit of encouragement. It seems like most sermons preached lately are about this craziness but out of that craziness there is a lot to learn! In Exodus 13-16 we read about how Pharaoh finally let the Israelites out of Egypt. All the Isrealites wanted was to be let go and what was one of the first things they did when they got out of Egypt? They complained. They started complaining about how they 'missed' things from Egypt.  Exodus 16:3 says   The Israelites said to them, “If only we had died by the  Lord ’s hand in Egypt!  There we sat around pots of meat and ate all the food  we wanted, but you have brought us out into this desert to starve this entire assem...
Read more