Falling Away



I honestly believe the worse way to offend God is by falling away from Him and losing your faith. Christ died for us and loved us even before we had a chance to love Him, yet He did it anyway. He went through a terrible crucifixion so that we won't even have to see death. By falling away from God after gaining such a strong faith in Him is just like we are crucifying Christ all over again. He gave us the ability to have faith in Him and we once grew so close to Him and we decided to throw it all away.
I never thought I would have these words describe my life. I have been tested with certain situations. Not was I tested, but I put myself in situations were I didn't think I was so weak. I really thought I had changed and would never fall away from God. It was easy to think this because I never put myself in situations where that could happen. I started to fall away from God and a part of me was just letting it happen. It was so clear to see that this relationship I had worked so hard on for the past two years was slowly drifting away, and I was doing nothing about it.
Although I heard that small voice in the back on my head trying to direct me on the right path, I decided to just do what I wanted. Feeling guilty as I ever could, I just wanted to do things my way.
It wasn't until this past Sunday that I started to listen to God again. I was becoming so good at hearing God and doing what He was telling me to. I would literally drop everything I was doing and obey God. That's exactly how we need to go through life and I preached on this for so long. Then, here I am ignoring that voice I prayed so hard to hear. This past Sunday in church I felt God giving me a push; it wasn't one of His gentle love taps, it was a strong force as to say, if God would ever talk this way, 'Get it together and listen to me again!' That was my breaking point. Here I am in church, feeling guilty and knowing I need to get my life back on the right path. I finally listened. After a few weeks of not fully hearing God, I gave in. And I am so happy I did.
Last night, I opened the bible for myself for the first time in a while. I opened the bible with help and with the urge to get something out of what I was about to read. God led us to Hebrews and when I got time to be alone in The Word, He led me right to Hebrews 5, exactly where I needed to be.

In Hebrews 5, it speaks on falling away and losing your faith. The question came up, 'Is it really possible to lose your faith?' This took me back to a message Greg Laurie preached on and his simple answer to this question was, 'Did you really have faith in the first place?' I studied and worked 2 years to build this relationship with God. I was falling in love with God, for real, for the first time ever. It was the best thing I had going in my life. I looked forward to my quiet time to read His Word and blog and just pray and talk to Him. That's how my life was going for a long time and it was so good. I truly believe I had a very strong faith and love for Christ. Until I started to fall away. I still have love for Him but it wasn't as strong as it use to be.
It's scary to even think about being so dangerously close to crossing the line that would make it impossible to start over. If I didn't listen to God on Sunday when He told me to go in front of Him and pour my heart out, I think I might of fully fallen away and I would of lost my faith. We have to catch ourselves before we get to caught up in the world and there is no hope left. That's going so far backwards in my life. I slowly saw myself just drifting back to the old me. God started being so much more clear to me and I was obeying Him like any child of God should be and then I just started to ignore Him. It was like a slap in the face and saying to God even though you died for me so that I don't have to see death, I'm going to go back to what I wanted to do. 'Thanks, but no thanks.'
Never do I want to feel that feeling again. This feeling of being so deeply in love with God is indescribable and no human on this earth can ever make you feel loved as much as our Heavenly Father loves us. What feels good here on earth will never compare to the love God has for us and the plans He has for us; here on earth as well as in Heaven.
Thank you Jesus.

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