Life,Tonight.

Lately I've been feeling like I'm going backwards. Meaning I don't miss my past, I miss what my past was. I don't miss the people, I miss what the people were. 
I've been doing my best to read as much as I can every night. Studying through Luke. Surprisingly it's been making a lot of sense to me. I struggled with making sense of what the Bible is truly saying. Yet, lately it's been different. I feel God really working in my life. Even though I wish I could always have the easy way out, I appreciate my prayers being answer.
I just wish my one prayer would be answered soon. I feel like it's getting closer and closer and then it just disappears. I try to change my prayer and what I'm asking for. I'm not so sure how to word it but I know God hears my heart. 
I've always struggled with feeling lonely, mostly at night but I went through a point in life where I just didn't care anymore. But now that feeling is coming back and it sucks. I try to remind myself to just rebuke that thought but most of the time it gets the best of me. For me it's so hard because I know what the future can look like; it's just so far away. 
I feel like I need to do one thing to get what I want but when I do it, I get nothing. I know once I really set my mind to what I need to do I will lose focus of what I want. That's what I really need to be doing. 
It gets really tough but I hope I can look back at this one day and see, even though it was a struggle, it turned out to be for the better. I'm just waiting for that day. 

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