Just Something Personal

I always knew this family was special and they have so much in store for their future now as a married family. This was the most beautiful wedding I have ever been to. The church was beautiful and filled with family and so many church members. Never have I seen a wedding that included communion, washing of the brides feet and worship! It's something that is so rare but should really be so common to us Christians. When we worshiped, we sang some of the most meaning full songs and the people weren't singing because there was music on, they were singing because God was present and we were worshipping Him! I have never felt a place so alive in God before. It was incredible. What made this wedding so special is because of the trials and tribulations this family has been through. It gives me hope and many other people hope as well. I can't wait to let this couple know how much they inspire me and how much seeing them finally get married means to my faith that God works in al...

I can not believe how incredibly happy I was yesterday. I haven't been that happy in a long time. A year ago yesterday I started having early contractions and went straight to the hospital. 8 hours later I had my precious baby boy in my arms. I was the happiest I have ever been. Yesterday I woke up early bathed my almost one year old, we played and he napped. I went to get the cake and some supplies. I set up the party decorations and waited until 2 for all our family to show up. It's something about being around family and in my house that makes me so joyous. 5:48 came and past and I finally had a one year old! This past year went by so fast. I wish I could do it all over again. Looking back at the videos and pictures from the party I could tell that smile on my face was real. It wasn't the smile I put on everyday so my son, parents and family can see, so they know I'm doing ok. This smile was pure happiness. I felt like I had my little family back. For just those...

Every year that past and Lent came around, I always looked at what people were giving up. I never really understood the whole thing but I understood the reason on why to do it. The one thing that I wasn't so sure about was, if this was a Christian thing. I don't know but this year when it came around and I saw a lot of people giving up some social networking sites, it made me think. I have been going through a lot lately and social networking really doesn't help. I always thought about deleting my Instagram but I know how much I would miss seeing all the mommies and their babies. I always thought about deleting my Twitter, but I just can't seem to let go of my poor self control with that social network.  These past couple days have been weird, pointless and heartbreaking, in a sense. So I figured it wouldn't hurt anymore than it already does to just give up these things and maybe it will better myself and I will gain more self control.  Back to the religious p...

Yes I understand that you live and learn: you have bad relationships you get over them and more one, but when you share something with some one isn't it harder than just any other relationship? I came across a picture today that really just stopped me in my tracks and made me think. Really? It's that easy for you? It said something along the lines of 'get over your child's father; move on; you're wasting your time.' Yeah, I get the point of not dwelling over something that will never happen again or ever being the same. But honestly, there had to be very strong feelings in the relationship that ended up with a child (or again it could of just be a one night stand or whatever, but that's a different story). I'm talking about the long relationship where the two people were 'in love' and couldn't get enough of each other. How can one just simply throw that out of their mind and never think about it again? I can honestly say, not one day goes b...

I have the opportunity right in front of me to try and make something out of talking to some one, but it feels wrong. To just hang out with this guy, I feel like I'm abandoning my son. His father is already not there for him, so for me to leave him for just a couple hours to go on a 'date' would feel horrible. I feel like I would be letting him down. With that said I can't imagine ever being with some one because all I want to do and am use to doing is being with my son. And if I'm not with him I'm working. I could never leave him to do something I miss doing in the past. I don't know. I just hope if this is really meant to be that this guy will understand, or any guy will get that I'm a mom first and always will be. My son is my priority and if they really want to make something out of it they will find a way. Because honestly I don't know how to do it myself.

My son isn't some one you come see every couple months to take pictures and videos of and go show all your friends and family. He isn't some one who you can play with for an hour and just up and leave and don't return for months. He isn't some one you can hold for 10 minutes and claim your all babied out. My son is a person, with feelings he will soon be able to understand. He is some one with constant needs and wants. My son is more than just a little human. He is my whole world and he should be yours too. He's a part of you just like he is me. Today showed me how unappreciative some one can be to something that is so big! Your child should be your number one priority and the person you do everything in your life for. I don't like to use the word hate but I can say I strongly dislike the way BD treats his son. Like he's just a 'thing' that he can see, play and talk to for a little while and then go abandon until you feel the need that you HAVE to ...

For the past couple of days I have become so fed up with my son's father. He is becoming so annoying. He stopped texting me for a good month or so but all of a sudden he wants to act like he has interest in his son's life. He keeps telling me that he is coming to see him and always ends up giving a lame excuse explaining why he isn't coming. I could really care less because this is all getting old. I refuse to respond to his text if it doesn't have to do with him asking about my son because I know if I respond he is just going to be immature and be sarcastic and all I have to say to reply to all of his nonsense messages is "Yeah, I'm sure." Today was nice though. My son had a play date and I got the chance to chat with another mom in the area. My son did have a good time playing and that was nice to see him interact since he really doesn't get to do that a lot. Of course he started to get crouchy though and we had to leave. I hope to do that more, get...